Annoying Snape
by bexybooblue
Summary: AU. Ron dares Hermione to annoy Snape for Whole school year or he'll burn her books. Told from Hermiones POV. Rated T for mild swearing.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

HG POV

I only agreed to play Truth or Dare to shut Ron up and now I'm stuck with a stupid dare issued by him which will probably end up with me being fed to the giant squid. The git is supposed to be my friend, but what kind of friend dares you to annoy Professor Snape for the whole school year or have your books burnt for failure to complete the dare.

The worst thing is that my so called friend has already made up a list of things I have to do to annoy Snape and the first one has to be completed in potions tomorrow which I won't get to end of because Snape will kill me

Which is a great tragedy for everyone, but mainly for me.

I better get some sleep because if I have to do something completely stupid and ridiculous tomorrow I want to do it with a full nights sleep.

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I could just reach over the Gryffindor breakfast table and throttle Ron and no would could blame me.

'Come on Mione you have to eat to something' Ron told me while stuffing Bacon in his mouth.

'In less than ten minutes we have potions and you're making me do something that is completely stupid and you want me to eat' I said glaring at my so called best friend.

'Come on Mione potions will be fine, Snape will only kill you' Harry said with a stupid grin that really makes me want to punch him.

All I can think about is how bad Snape is going to react and my two best friends want me to shovel food down my throat.

'I think we should get going to potions now or we're going to be late' Ron said as he put his last bit of Bacon into his mouth.

'Since when have cared about getting to any lesson on time?' I asked.

'Since I get to watch you annoy Snape' Ron said smirking.

'Come on Mione the sooner we get there the quicker it'll be over' Harry told me.

I am so getting new friends ones who don't enjoy my misery.

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I can do this and once I have it'll be done an then I can wipe that smug little smirk of Ron's face.

'I know you killed my goldfish', wow shout something random out and you get everyone eyes on you.

'Miss Granger ten points from Gryffindor for disrupting my class' Snape told me.

'You kill my goldfish and I get punished' I said earning wide eyed looks from the rest of the class.

'Another ten points from Gryffindor and detention this evening' Snape said smirking.

'Go snog a goat' why did I say that that's not even on the stupid list.

'Miss Granger get out of my classroom and report to Professor McGonagall now' Snape said a little to harshly for my liking.

As I stand outside the potion classroom I can feel my heart hammer away in my chest.

I wonder how pissed Professor McGonagall will be that I got kicked out of potions.

Author Note: next chapter will be longer and I am looking for Beta for this story so if anyone wants to Beta this please PM me.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Professor McGonagall wasn't happy about me getting myself kicked out of potions. I'm not overly ecstatic about it myself, but I had enough common sense not tell McGonagall that while she was lecturing me on how "it's not like me to get kicked out of class".

I could have told her that it's all because of some stupid dare from Ron, but I didn't because I knew Ron would spend the rest of year sulking about it and of course Harry would take Ron's side and I'd probably be without my best friends until they stopped sulking.

So I kept my mouth shut and nodded my head at the right times, mumbled an apology at the end.

The worse thing about the whole conversation was when she said that I'd be serving detention with Professor Snape that evening. Which means once Ron finds out I'll I have to do something on the stupid list.

The list Ron created has three sections one for potions class, one for detention and one for when I see Snape wandering around the school.

It surprises me really that Ron put this much effort into this list because other than Quidditch, food and chess Ron doesn't put effort into things.

Although given the fact there is Muggle references in the list I suspect my other supposed to be best friend helped make the blasted list.

I have this niggling feeling that I've been set up somehow and I'm going to find out how and once I find out by whom somebody is going to get a punch on the nose. Although I better get to charms before I get another detention The punching someone on the nose thing can wait until lessons have finished.

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I am not an unreasonable person. All I wanted to know was who's great idea it was for this idiotic dare, but no Ron and Harry had to be unreasonable and say " we cannot reveal who originally thought this up". So I had no choice, but to threaten to inflict Violence upon them if they didn't tell me and that's when I got the truth.

Harry and Ron had both come up with the dare because they think I need to have more fun and they think it's hilarious to watch professor Snape suffer.

So all in all I'm pretty pissed off about the whole thing and I guess Ron and Harry know I am because they said they had "homework to do" which is code we're going to go hide from you until you calm down.

They can hide for million years for all I care at this moment. All I care about is completing this list so I can slap them around the face with it and say " am I fun enough now". That'll show them to interfere in my affairs plus it'd be fun to slap someone with a piece paper just to see if it hurts.

Thinking about paper has given me a great idea about what I should do next on the list.

Number thirty three in detention section: cover yourself completely in something stupid like banana Peel or feathers.

Paper is just as good as feathers or banana Peel. I can put decorative little messages on the paper like "Sorry I blamed you for killing my goldfish" or "Potions Rocks My Socks" something meaningful like that.

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I noticed on my way to potions I was receiving many strange looks, but no one said anything. Which is kind of weird I mean if I saw someone walking around covered in the paper I'd at least ask why said person was doing that, but then again seeing some of the outfits Dumbledore has worn over the years I guess the students of Hogwarts are used to bizarre dress sense.

The students of Hogwarts may not have commented on my choice of outfit, but Professor Snape did.  
His first reaction to it was "What in Merlin's name are you wearing?". "I told him I could ask the same about what he was wearing" and he told me "I couldn't", so I pointed that he's the one that goes around dressing like an extra from a Dracula movie all year.

Funnily enough Snape took offence and took thirty points from Gryffindor which in my opinion is a bit harsh.

I think he's jealous of my super awesome paper covered clothes I'd offer to make him one just like mine,  
but I know I'd only get a nasty sarcastic comment for the generous offer.

Once Snape had taken points from me he asked me yet again about my choice of clothing. So I told him I was wearing it for spiritual reasons. I don't know why I said that it just seemed a good answer although I am pretty certain that Snape didn't buy it, but who cares it'll prevent me from being given another detention.

Because Snape knows if he makes a big fuss about I'll just go to the Headmaster and everyone knows that Dumbledore likes to give his students the freedom to practice pretty much anything except the dark arts, but that's because of people like Voldemort who become power hungry and want to take over the world.

After the discussion of why I was wearing paper Snape set me the lovely task of scrubbing cauldrons without magic. Luckily I charmed my outfit so it'd be waterproof.

While I went about scrubbing my turned to what I should do next on the list. My last two attempts have been the rather minor stuff compared to some of the things on the list.

I'd like to something really spectacular to show Harry and Ron I know how to have fun.

Thanks to dorina16able Bellamort500 Hermione Is My Role Model For reviewing


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

I've had the most awesome, but tiring day. At breakfast I decided to get a little revenge on Harry and Ron while also annoying Professor Snape at the same time and ticking number one hundred three of the list " announce a fake engagement for Professor Snape".

I stood on the Gryffindor table and bellowed at the top of my lungs "I'd like to congratulate Harry and Ron on their engagement to Professor Snape I hope you'll be very happy together".

The whole hall went silent it was hilarious especially the looks on Harry and Ron faces.

Strangely Professor Snape nor any other Professor found it amusing and I got twenty points taken from Gryffiondor and three nights worth of detentions.

When I tried to point out that the punishment was slightly harsh for congratulating people for finding true love in this crazy world. I got another ten points taken for talking back to a Professor.

Which did not go down well with my fellow lions they were all "we're never going to win the house cup if you keep losing points Hermione".

I don't see how it's my fault it isn't like I keep taking points away from myself is it.

Harry and Ron were the most annoyed with me for telling everyone they're engaged to Snape, but I don't care because they didn't care about me when they made this list nor did they care when Ron issued the Dare.

My first lesson was supposed to be charms, but Professor McGonagall said she wanted to see me in her office to discuss my outburst Being the lovely student I am I followed her to her office. Where I got a lovely lecture on how it's wrong to imply "that professor Snape is dating two of his students".

Professor McGonagall lectured last the whole of my charms lesson which led me to my next lesson potions.

The moment I entered the potions classroom I was greeted by a glaring Snape. I guess he was still upset about the whole telling people he's in a relationship with Harry and Ron.

I personally think he should count his self lucky because I could of easily announced an engagement to Filch.

I waited to find out what we were actually doing in potions first before I set out to annoy Snape because he might have been covering something I didn't know.

Luckily the lesson was about Polyjuice Potion and I already knew how to make that.

I decided to go for number four sing a made up song in class.

I only got the first ten words out " I gave my love a purple pony and it's awesome" when I was rudely interrupted by Professor Snape.

I tried to point out to Snape that interrupting people was rude, but he decided that he didn't want to listen to what I had to say and cast a silencing charm on me.

I will get revenge for this or my name isn't Hermione Jean Granger.

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Thank-you to Hermione Is My Role Model MyHarryPotterAddiction dorina16able Bellamort500 For reviewing.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

I have had my revenge against Snape for him putting a silencing charm on me in potions and it was brilliant. Well it was brilliant for me it wasn't so great for Snape, but that's his own fault.

Okay several first years were traumatized by my act of revenge against Snape and may need therapy in the future, but hey that's their future therapist problem.

For my revenge against Snape I chose number seventy eight on the list vanish Snape clothes while he's teaching a class.

I had to miss Herbology to get my revenge, but I can easily make up what I missed so it isn't a problem and it was totally worth.

The look on Snape face when I burst into his classroom and vanished his clothes was absolutely hilarious, but not as funny as the really girly squeal that he let out.

I never thought Snape was the type of person to squeal, but you learn something new every day.

I think that one day Snape will look back and realize how funny the whole situation was, but until that time I'm not coming out of my secret hiding place.

Because once Snape got over the shock of the whole situation he threatened to do horrible things to me and I believe him.

That man really needs some sort of anger management, which I did suggest as I was running away from him.

I don't think he'll take my suggestion of anger management seriously though mainly because he told me to shove my idea where the sun doesn't shine.

Which is rather rude considering I was only trying to help him improve his attitude so people would like him better.

Because that's kind of nice person I am, but does Snape see that. No he doesn't he's all "you're going to be in detention until you graduate" and "when I catch you you'll rue the day you messed me".

He's totally wrong I won't rue the day I messed with him and I won't have detention until I graduate. Well I at least I don't think I will, but if I do I am going to make sure they're with Snape.

It's a good thing my hiding place is moaning Myrtle bathroom and I've stocked up food and water because I have a feeling that I'm going to have to hide for a while.

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Thank-you to

Bellamort500 Blood Red Gun LittlebigmouthOKC

For leaving a review.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

As it turned out my secret hide out wasn't so secret. Professor McGonagall found me hiding in moaning Myrtles bathroom and boy was she pissed about what I did to Snape.

The whole time she was walking me to the headmaster's office she glared at me even when I told her the joke about the horny Leprechaun. Looking back I probably shouldn't have told her that joke.

The headmaster was not any happier with me than Professor McGonagall who knew that it is frowned upon to burst into your potions master classroom and vanish his clothes in front of a group of first years.

I tried to point out that if any one should be upset it should be me because I was the one who had to see Professor Snape without clothes on, but did Dumbledore take my trauma into a count. Nope.

He just gave me lecture on how inappropriate it was to vanish a Professor Clothes and when he finished lecturing me he gave me two weeks detention with Professor Snape and told me I wouldn't be going to my remaining classes for the day.

Which means three things one I was right I won't have detention until I graduate, two I get to annoy Snape some more and three the headmaster isn't letting me go to class because he thinks I'll show of about what I did to Snape.

I think Dumbledore not letting me go to my remaining potion lessons is stupid because it just gives me time to plan for my detention with Professor Snape this evening.

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I chose to cross two things of the list for my detention with Professor Snape number six offer to sell Snape some magic beans and number sixteen ask Professor Snape to come to a tea party hosted by a chicken.

I also decided to do something that was my idea and not on the list. Which took rather a lot of planning so I really should thank the headmaster for not letting me go to lessons.

Nobody knows how difficult it is to steal the sorting hat until they actually try to steal it.

To get the sorting hat from Dumbledore office I had to cause an incident that would require him to leave his office.

At first I thought about letting a dragon loose in the school not a really big one, but then I thought to myself where the hell I am going to get a dragon from at such short notice.

So I came up with a better and slightly less dangerous way to get the headmaster out of his office. Knock on his door and tell him Professor McGonagall had told me tell him that she needed to see him and it was urgent.

I didn't think it'd work, but it did so I took my chance snatched the sorting hat and laid low until my detention.

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As I was laying low I came to a very important conclusion. The sorting hat is annoying.

The whole time it kept screaming "help I'm being kidnapped" even when I pointed out its only a hat so who's going to care.

The only way I could get it to stop screaming was to give the hat firewhiskey which led to its singing. Here I am trying to keep a low profile and the hat is singing a sea shanty.

Sometimes I swear the universe is trying to annoy the hell out of me or it's all coincidence and that's just worse somehow.

I successfully managed to stay undetected until it was time for my detention with Professor Snape.

When I got to potion the classroom I was greeted by a frowning Professor Snape and twinkling eyes Dumbledore.

I guess I should have thought of the fact Dumbledore knew I had detention with Snape that evening. Dumbledore took the sorting hat of me and told me he'd see me after my detention with Professor Snape.

There went my plan of trying to resort Snape into Gryffindor and I got bugged the hell out of by the stupid hat all for nothing.

Oh well I can still offer to sell Snape some magic beans and invite him to a tea party hosted by a chicken.

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Thank-you to Ferocious Mouse Hermione Is My Role Model angstar54 SpritelyShoes For reviewing 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Some people can be extremely ungrateful at times, by people I mean Professor Snape.

I go to all the trouble of getting him a Harry Potter teddy bear so he could hug and squeeze at nighttime and he throws the gift in my face.

He actually threw the teddy bear in my face. Luckily the bear was soft or that could of hurt.

When I asked why he couldn't just take a simple gift he said and I quote "I don't want a gift from you and if I did it wouldn't be a bloody Harry Potter teddy bear".

Seriously the man really needs to work on his people skills.

Okay he didn't want my gift, but he didn't have to throw the thing at me.  
He is lucky I don't Sue him for everything he has got.

Thinking about I should Sue him to teach him a lesson.

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Turns out I cannot actually Sue Professor Snape because of some stupid clause in the acceptance letter.

Once you set foot in Hogwarts no student or their relatives can Sue for anything that happens on School Grounds.

Which would explain why nobody ever stops Harry, Ron or me doing incredibly dangerous and stupid stuff every year.

Its a pity really because if I could Sue I'd be stinking rich of the amount injuries I have suffered over the years at Hogwarts.

The plus side is I can't be Sue for any injuries I cause which is just as for my next prank I am going to do number seventy four of the list Blow up Snape classroom.

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I did not think that prank through. I can't be sued, but I can get alot of detentions and shouted out by Snape and McGonagall and a really long lecture from Dumbledore.

I don't know what they were so upset about no one got hurt and they can just repair the room with magic.

Harry and Ron found it amusing. I think they've finally forgiven me for telling people they were engaged to Snape.

I don't know how long they will actually forgive me for once they find out about the wedding invites I sent out to people.  
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Thank-you to

Hermione Is My Role Model Crazy Horse Nae dorina16able For reviewing. 


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